Naming and Taming Inner Demons: Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence, and Self-Expression
Twenty-five years ago, I found myself standing on the cusp of a dream come true—literally. I was about to give a talk at a bookstore in Chicago about my first book. Then, I saw her. A woman I didn’t know was sitting at a table inside, completely absorbed in reading Remembering Mother, Finding Myself (written under my previous name, Patricia Commins). The book was a personal journey for women like me who had lost their mothers but still had unresolved emotions.
Suddenly, doubts started creeping in. What if she didn’t like the book? What if she followed the advice and it didn’t help? Who was I to be giving advice in the first place? Despite the urge to turn around and leave, I pushed forward and delivered my presentation.
These nagging thoughts are my inner demons—the ones that cast doubt and erode self-esteem. Over the years, as I transitioned into writing my first mystery novel, its sequel, and even teaching mystery writing, these voices never fully disappeared.
Many creative individuals, even the well-known ones, face similar doubts. As one pair of bloggers noted, insecurity is an inevitable part of the creative process: “We feel insecure about the initial idea, the first draft, and especially about how others will react to it.”
Related Post
Though years of therapy have helped me, my inner demons are still there. But I’ve learned to manage them by naming them. Understanding concepts like self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-expression has allowed me to continue pursuing creativity, even when self-doubt tries to interfere.
Self-Confidence: Trusting in Your Abilities
According to a psychiatrist and philosopher I once read, self-confidence means having trust in one’s ability to engage with the world successfully. For me, self-confidence is the belief in doing—in my capability to create. While I’ve faced plenty of rejection in my writing career, I’ve learned to view rejection as redirection. If you’re drawn to the creative life, you likely have deeper inner resources than you realize, which can fuel your confidence to keep moving forward despite setbacks.
Self-Esteem: Valuing Yourself and Your Work
Self-esteem, however, is a different battle. It’s the emotional evaluation of our own worth, and it’s where I often face my biggest struggles. While one can be confident in their work, they might still question their personal value. For me, this inner demon often sneers, “Who do you think you are to write this?” Recognizing this as my most persistent demon has helped me practice self-compassion—by resting, nurturing myself, and enjoying the process of creation for its own sake.
Self-Expression: Overcoming Fear to Share Your Voice
Finally, self-expression is the desire to share our thoughts, dreams, and ideas, whether through writing, art, or another medium. However, the inner critic, fueled by impostor syndrome or stage fright, often makes us question if we’re exposing too much or whether others will approve. Despite this fear, expressing yourself is worth fighting for. It’s a courageous act that reminds us of the importance of finding our voice.
As writer Michele Weldon reminds us, “Write for yourself… don’t confuse your writing with the need for approval. Write for honesty’s sake. Write for writing’s sake.” Her words are a powerful reminder that self-expression is not just a privilege, but a necessity. If we don’t share our stories, no one else will.
By naming our inner demons, we take away their power and remind ourselves that creativity requires both courage and self-compassion.
