Divorce is still seen as a bit of a taboo subject in society. I often find myself thinking that it hasn’t happened to many people, but realistically, if I asked a room full of people, a surprising number of hands would likely go up. While there’s plenty of advice on navigating the end of a marriage and rediscovering love, there’s not as much guidance for those dating someone who’s already been married.
As with most things in life, everyone handles relationships differently. Some people may struggle with the idea that their partner has been married, while others don’t see it as a big deal. Those who have been through marriage before may have learned valuable lessons and pitfalls to avoid—something new partners might actually find reassuring.
Personally, I don’t think it’s a huge deal to date someone who has been married before. Still, when my now-boyfriend mentioned it on our first date, it made me confront some of my own insecurities. I appreciated his honesty, but I also realized that I hadn’t even thought to ask because I didn’t think I was at the age where such topics would come up.
What I grappled with most was the fact that my boyfriend had already experienced significant life milestones that, for me, were still ahead. In darker moments, I worried that if our relationship ever led to marriage, it wouldn’t be as meaningful or exciting for him since he’d already been through it.
But that’s not a productive line of thought. Every relationship is different, and just because someone has experienced something before doesn’t mean it won’t be special with you. Just because you’ve traveled to Argentina doesn’t make visiting Singapore any less thrilling. Relationships, like travel, are unique to each journey.
In the end, a relationship is built on love, trust, and communication—and I find all of that in ours. Regardless of the nagging thoughts that keep me up at night, I’m not genuinely concerned about dating someone who’s been married. After all, the average age for first divorces is 30, which leaves plenty of time for people to re-enter the dating scene and open their hearts to new possibilities.
Related Post
What the Experts Say
Relationship expert Esther Perel asks, “What hurts more? The fact that they did it in the first place—or that they did it without you?” This question resonates with me because the idea of a past marriage can make you feel left out. If I think too hard about it, it bothers me. But when it comes down to it, does it change how I feel about my boyfriend or our relationship? Absolutely not.
Peg Streep, another relationship expert, says that we all carry subconscious expectations into marriage based on what we’ve observed, experienced, or imagined in contrast to our parents’ relationships. The same is true for divorce—each of us has preconceived ideas about how we want our lives to unfold, and discovering that your partner has already had a wedding or marriage can disrupt that narrative.
At the end of the day, relationships are complex, and it’s worth appreciating someone’s ability to recognize when things aren’t working and move on. I admire the strength it takes to make that difficult decision.
How to Navigate Dating Someone Who’s Been Married Before
- Let them guide the conversation. While you have every right to ask questions, give your partner space to share what they feel comfortable disclosing. As the relationship deepens, you can ask more in-depth questions and have open discussions.
- Find support from others. I initially thought divorce was uncommon, but after talking to friends, I realized many had dated or are now married to someone who was previously divorced. It’s comforting to know you’re not alone.
- Reflect on your feelings. If your partner’s past marriage bothers you, take a step back and think about what might be triggering those feelings. While you can’t change the past, you can work through your emotions to continue building a healthy relationship.
Ultimately, we’ve all lived lives before meeting our partners, and it’s not worth limiting your future because of someone’s past. After all, you had a life before them, too.”
